Thursday, August 23, 2012
Monday, July 9, 2012
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Hoooo boy it's been a while!!!
Time for a friggin update yeah?
Yeah...
Uh...please hold while I gather my sh*t ;)
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Follow, unfollow, f*&k just work okay? God...
Let me be frank. I like working with others...but I hate being bossed. Unfortunately I have not yet reached the giddy freedom that is total self employment and as such still get directives. Directives that I sometimes get all huffy about and just want to REBEL REBEL REBEL so I can do it MY WAY dammit.
Yes, it's very childish. But it is also a dream of wild heart that just doesn't ever want to be caged.
What blows is when your employer just happens to be your lover...as is the case we me. So not only do I receive affection from this person I also get critiques and evaluation reports. I also, since I want to keep my job and relationship harmonious I get to do things that...I kinda don't want to do on occasion.
So what would I do instead?
I dunno...probably fart around, maybe break something, or not take an action because I'm not doing much that is new and challenging. Because as much as I may not love a directive I did choose to be guided by this person and thusly be challenged in my thinking.
That too also pisses me off...but at least that feeling goes away once I've grown a pair.
In the meantime...grumping.
Monday, March 22, 2010
"Keepin it real" vs. "Keeping it REALLY real"
Why does "Keeping It Real" always involve BS? Like reality must always result in the shittiest possibility. Life's a bitch and then you die...and all that sort of yuck.
I'd like to "keep it really real" instead. Meaning that not only am I willing to express the true actual funk (mental illness, sadness, emotional whateverness, the tax man, etc.) but also how I am delighting in the awesome things in life too (fun, sex, music, etc. etc. etc.). The trick is of course transformation. I think I'm getting pretty good at it - tho it's still a damn challenge.
Case in point:
Today I woke up w/ funk. Funk inspired by physical ailment (yet another sinus infection). So that's compounded funk actually. As a result I spent some moments while I got dressed, relieved myself, & brushed my teeth to let that compounded funk lead me into Poopyville.
Poopyville - where no one is happy and everything stinks. About a mile and a half out of Hell.
I did a tally of my current circumstances - but only counted the depressing points - that's how one prepares for a visit to Poopyville. Here's the real shitty breakdown:
Now my job...in order not to actually follow Shit Avenue on it's way into Hell...is not about putting on a happy face and desperately trying to think everything is okay (cause yeah, no car + little money + bad debt is awesome right? right...). Rather my job is to take this shit and somehow clean it up and transform it so that I not only do I NOT DIE, but I actually thrive.
One of the trickiest things about real, actual shit...is finding the real actual kernel of hope within it and using it to grow something amazing and beautiful. In real life I don't get a fairy godmother w/ a magic wand - I gotta get my own magical shit together to fairy godmother my ass out of misery.
So I've got 9 points of shit in my life.
Now what?
Well...now I get a bucket of water and some soap.
I'll tell you about the Shit Neutralizing process next blog :)
I'd like to "keep it really real" instead. Meaning that not only am I willing to express the true actual funk (mental illness, sadness, emotional whateverness, the tax man, etc.) but also how I am delighting in the awesome things in life too (fun, sex, music, etc. etc. etc.). The trick is of course transformation. I think I'm getting pretty good at it - tho it's still a damn challenge.
Case in point:
Today I woke up w/ funk. Funk inspired by physical ailment (yet another sinus infection). So that's compounded funk actually. As a result I spent some moments while I got dressed, relieved myself, & brushed my teeth to let that compounded funk lead me into Poopyville.
Poopyville - where no one is happy and everything stinks. About a mile and a half out of Hell.
I did a tally of my current circumstances - but only counted the depressing points - that's how one prepares for a visit to Poopyville. Here's the real shitty breakdown:
- I'm sick (see above)
- I haven't had sex in about 2.5 weeks (feels like a month)
- I don't have a car...that works (I uh, broke it in December)
- I make dick (left my nice, regular job last July to work for a friend who can barely pay me)
- I have 4 boring ass articles to write today (copy writing is painful and hard)
- I'm in debt (like every other foolish American citizen)
- Some of that debt went to collections (a certain credit card now hates me)
- My self confidence waxes and wanes daily (sometimes dipping dangerously low)
- At age 32 I don't sometimes know how I will transcend all this actual bullshit...in time.
Now my job...in order not to actually follow Shit Avenue on it's way into Hell...is not about putting on a happy face and desperately trying to think everything is okay (cause yeah, no car + little money + bad debt is awesome right? right...). Rather my job is to take this shit and somehow clean it up and transform it so that I not only do I NOT DIE, but I actually thrive.
One of the trickiest things about real, actual shit...is finding the real actual kernel of hope within it and using it to grow something amazing and beautiful. In real life I don't get a fairy godmother w/ a magic wand - I gotta get my own magical shit together to fairy godmother my ass out of misery.
So I've got 9 points of shit in my life.
Now what?
Well...now I get a bucket of water and some soap.
I'll tell you about the Shit Neutralizing process next blog :)
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